In 2631 nuclear testing in Korea creates a disaster when the biggest explosion imaginable happens and Earth is consumed by chemicals. This part is called the End.
Two hundred people survived and 70% die from illnesses of which antidotes cannot be retrieved out of the wastelands, injuries and the deformed monsters that crawled out of the ocean.
To bypass starvation a law is passed called the Second Act. Second children are not allowed and are kicked out of the city's walls. Since the season is winter, most of the Second children die.
Beam is named for her eyes, which are catlike in color. She is a Second child thief who preys on the stocks and people walking out of the bakery in the business State of Greenhaevan, called Barnes. When she was eight, the Second Law was passed and she was tested against her twin sister to see who was healthier. Her twin won, so she was "booted" out of Greenhaevan. They used to meet at the borders of Greenhaevan every afternoon at six o'clock. One day, her sister just... stopped coming back.
As the book moves along, she meets Dawn, a member of the Underground, a secret movement where thirteen Second children are in a cement underground room in the State "Pine." (There are nine States, Olin, Aura, Gyro, Barnes, Pearl, Warren, Tier, Euro and Pine) In Pine, there is an emerald green lake. It is deeply polluted with chemicals that burn flesh. Anyway, citizens of Greenhaevan have seen horrors and know to keep away. For months, Beam, who is popular in the underground because of her beaming yellow-green eyes, lives happily with Dawn and her little brother Halo in the Underground. She also makes a friend named Lion, short for Dandelion, which is the only flower that grew after the End. She was named this for her perfectly yellow hair. Not blonde, but real yellow. In the Underground, there is a tradition that you put blood on your finger and wipe it on the wall. This isn't a cult thing. It's supposed to mean family and I have this total emotional part where she knows she has a true family again. Slowly, the deformed, bloodthirsty monsters that were once fish and crawled out of the ocean creep slowly closer towards the city. There are pinces, gouts, etc. With occasional setbacks like a monster sneaking into the Underground and grabbing one of her friends, or police finally raiding the Underground and killing Dawn's little brother Halo, in the end. Finally the citizens of Greenhaevan decide it isn't safe in Greenhaevan anymore. They tighten security, and Dawn and Beam are trapped outside the walls of Greenhaevan with many other children. They make their way to an organization miles away in a month, after witnessing terrible things like gory deaths, etc. Along the way, Dawn dies. Beam, Lion, a ten year-old girl named Star for her deathly white skin and a baby girl named Autumn for her hair colors, which are all red, brown and orange (this plot is screaming deformation, I have to be creative) make their way to a large group of cities where they are taken in by (different) kind, loving families.
In the prologue, Beam goes back to her home city, where everyone is dead, and goes to the Underground one more time and puts blood on the wall. Ya it's weird. But what do you think????
Longest answer is what I'm looking for THANKS
Elle.
Oh my gosh. You're 11, and you came up with this?! Wow! It sounds EXTREMELY interesting, a lot better than what I've seen lately.
I can't find anything wrong with it.
It sounds amazing, and I'd LOVE to read it.
Emiy
I think this has great potential. Obviously there are some details to work out, but you seem to have a great plot line going. You went from beginning to end, and gave good details along the way. I've never heard a story quite like this one, which is a very good thing.
I love the detail you were giving about the characters, and I like the characters names as well. I think the creatures that come out the water should play a bigger part than what they seem to now. I'm not saying make them the whole story, because your current plot line is great. Just make sure you have action that can grab the reader, and even moments that tug at your heart a bit (you seem to have a few of those in mind already). Careful with some parts of the plot though. Don't stray away from the original idea. I'm not saying you are, but sometimes with a plot like this, stories can wander. Just saying =3
Over all, I really like this idea, and I hope you continue to go through with it =3 I wish you only the best of luck.
Eidolon
For being 11, it's not bad, but there are a few things that don't make sense.
I really doubt that 600 years in the future Korea would still be testing nukes when they basically have them now, let alone that a nation called Korea even exists anymore. Just look at how much countries have changed over the last 500 years, and you'll start to get my point.
There is no way that with only 200 people, the offspring would be kicked out. Any adults with a basic understanding of genetics would know that more diversity would make the population healthier. If they keep interbreeding, recessive diseases like cystic fibrosis would be rampant.
If dandelions are the only flower that grew after the end, there would be no fruit, since fruit comes from blossoming trees. Just letting you know.
I could understand one, but a group of fish wouldn't mutate into a completely different form after a few years. It would take thousands.
Where did the cities at the end come from? I thought there were only 200 people left, or did you mean in just that community? Why are the new people kind to some random kids when they have to worry about feeding their own?
The good things: I like the whole thing with the blood, and for an 11-year-old, it's very good. Just stop getting your science lessons from movies, and you might be able to become a successful author one day.
Orignal From: What do you think of my book plot?
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