5/4/11

I am severly depressed for many reasons help me...?

I am severly depressed for many reasons help me...?I have been depressed with an anxiety stress disorder for years.. I often wonder if i have ocd too.. I have weird compulsions... ANyway i have started really having moodswings.. I will scream at my daughter who is two and that really hurts me then cry for hours about it.. Its something that i can be so happy and then she does one thing wrong and it will ruin the rest of my day..I also do not want to have anything to do with my fiance.. I wont have any kind of relationship with him and id ont know why. I love him but i wont even kiss him.. I feel like i cant tell anyone because one reason is my sister suffered with illness(cancer) and died and its like well i cant complain to my family they went thru it to...I also get so mad i will slap my cat.. Hit my fiance if he really makes me mad... ITs gettin gout of controll.I just feel like what if i am really losing it.. WHat if i completely lose my mind.. I am so scared of cancer that it is ruining my life. I need to get help but w/o money???
I did not mean to sound like i am always screaming at my daughter. It only happens once in a while and when it does I cry about it not right then.. Then i break down and appologize for a long time and do something special for her after that.. I dont want you to think she is scared of me. She is more attatched to me than anyone..I am always there for her.. WE love eachother so much.. It scares me because i constantly worry myself crazy over if she gets even a cold.. I was my sisters nurse and i have seen everything you could immagine to even being there when she died.. I have talked to someone.. It didnt help.. It just made it worse cause then i had to think about it.. I dont think so far i am hurting my daughter because i dont yell at her on a day to day basis. I just dont want to get to that point...
You know what i am not emotionally abusing my daughter at this point.. kids get yelled at all the time.. I just thought i would never do it.. I also have only hit my fiance because he verbally abuses me.. And the cat thing who hasnt swatted a cat or dog if they are naughty.. I am here for help.. SOrry if you think i am a bad person.. your comment hurt me.. I would never intentially hurt another human or animal. its not me.. My daughter is my life and i dont want her to grow up with me this way thats why i'm here for help.. Dont judge me.. your comment hurt me so bad...
Before i end this question.. I have to say that i would never kill an animal. I don't beat the crap out of my cat. I swat her nose.. My daughter has really only been yelled at a hand ful of times and its not like most people don't at sometime yetll at their children.. I went and got help today. If you only knew the things my fiance has said to me you would hit him to..... I love them all thought.. I miss my sister terribly and i know i will get thru it. I got help and its because of how you all thought of me.. I had never been thought of that way in my life.. Noone would ever think of me as abusive. I am a kind person with a horrible problem. You helped me see what i could become though.

maamu
You need to see a doctor. If you continue the way you are you will ruin your daughter's life. If you won't go to the doctor for yourself, please, please go for that little girl.

jamie_0778
there are lots of mental health places that will waive fees if you qualify. check into those and talk to a counsellor. it's not fair for your daughter to see you that way. she needs a mommy who she isn't afraid of.

tofu
Let go of all of your negative thoughts. They are not you and you don't have to listen to them. They are not real and cannot control you. They will have no power over you if you choose to ingore them and look only into positive light.

somewherein72
You should look around your local area for assistance. There are many programs offered in communities across the country who can help you with counselling for free, or for rates based solely on your available income.

Check your local yellow pages or online for counselling.

Good luck.

Rocky W
Thank goodness for free and low income clinics. Check in your area for one. I live in a small town and we have one. If you can't find one call a mental health line and see if they can help you get the info. This much anger and hurt is not good for anyone. You are probably still mourning your sister too. Emotions can be very hard to deal with alone. Please try talking to someone you trust until you can find a professional to help. Good luck.

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