R&P What do you think about these lyrics?

R&P What do you think about these lyrics?I know this is the wrong section. No need to tell me. I just want to know what you guys think...I'll probably record it later tonight, but I just wanted some feedback first. Thanks!

We call and we call, this all said in tones
Like jewels on fingers cast over bones
Ice melting fast from her fingertips
Like ice-bergs looming o'er abandoned ships

What is cold and brittle turns to mush
What once was just oatmeal, now a burning bush
The heat of things once before said
Always glowing, never quite read

Leaving scores marked under the skin
To tell the tales of all ancient sin
But watch the north meld into east
And bake your bread with all the yeast

To make this rise and become significant
To make this sunset more magnificent
Rhyme your day into the ground
Run the animals to the pound

And day by day we go about
Running, running, we'll stop to shout
Help! The embers are smoldering out!
Look! The belief is covered with gout!

Sponge it away, sponge it away
Connect with another upon golden hay
Feel chests pounding just like a drum
Don't you dare stop yet, no not till you're done

I have this passion, this burning desire
To attempt to forget all the words of this liar
Now, Jesus broke bread, got drunk on some wine
You call him savior as he healed the blind

I call him fiction to settle my soul
Believing the truth will create a much bigger hole
Make no mistake there is a search party searching
And down in the bough a sailor is lurching

Forward to save a half-drunken maiden
Who calls herself Ruby and dines with her satan
We call and we call, this all said in tones
Like jewels on fingers cast over bones

Like jewels on fingers cast over bones
It was originally written as a poem.

[s]
Not too bad for an Idiot! =P

Joke! XD


"I call him fiction to settle my soul
Believing the truth will create a much bigger hole
Make no mistake there is a search party searching
And down in the bough a sailor is lurching"

I really dig that verse of whatever I like that.

Good work and pretty creative

Serah.
Hmm..
...trying to think of the right words to describe it.

Not exactly my field of experience, but rather plain interest. Interesting? Very much so. I took it as a poem at first, read it twice, once with a tune in mind as put in a song and once as a sweet and simple melody as some sort of rhyme.

"And day by day we go about
Running, running, we'll stop to shout
Help! The embers are smoldering out!
Look! The belief is covered with gout!

Sponge it away, sponge it away
Connect with another upon golden hay
Feel chests pounding just like a drum
Don't you dare stop yet, no not till you're done"

That part seemed pretty much different in contrast to the rest, read it with speed and as such a rhyme. Then it went..somber-right after that- the last few paragraphs or stanzas I mean.

Eh..
...I'll just go with very well written and creative. T'was a good read. I hope to see the version with the tune and instrumental work when and if you post it.

Law Man
These are great lyrics. I love your descriptive language. I would love to hear these lyrics in song.

Let us sing together.

x Lucy x (Top)
Hey!!

Yeah, its cool I like it :)

Maybe a little bit too much rhyming? But thats just up to the individual so if you like it rhyming then GO FOR IT!! XD

Add your own answer in the comments! Gout - information, symptoms and treatments. Googout.info health information factsheet - advice on gout and its symptoms, causes and treatment, plus prevention through diet.

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